What the Grimm Brothers didn’t tell you

The prince kisses Snow White. Snow White awakes. They live happily ever after.

That’s the happy ending we all know, right? But there’s more after that.

You see, the evil of the Queen knows no bounds. Death would be too easy for someone who dares to be a thousand times fairer than her. The purpose of the apple she gave Snow White wasn’t to poison, but to deliver a curse: Every man Snow White kisses or touches becomes a frog.

How cruel! Being the most beautiful girl in the world but denied any chance of intimate romance. Like a museum piece, she was there to be viewed and admired from a distance. Just keep your hands to yourself.

The only way for the prince to restore human form was to find another girl stupid enough to kiss him as a frog. Like the real world, after all, stupidity is rewarded. The prince eventually found the girl. Their story became known as The Frog Prince.

Meanwhile, Snow White, now traumatised but determined to break the curse, experimented on countless men, resulting in a boom in frog population. Some of them fled to South America and, since the grudge in their hearts was so great and venomous, evolved into poisonous frogs. Those who went to China ended up on restaurant tables, drenched in my favourite green pepper sauce.

One particular frog met a steamy end in a boiling pot.

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